So what would it entail to “act like men” (1 Corinthians 16:13) and leave the dead-end scripts offered by secular culture behind us? I offer three starting points:
1. Turn to Christ.
Jesus is fully God and fully man. He offers us a living picture of what redeemed masculinity looks like. He is the author and finisher of our faith, the Word made flesh, Alpha and Omega, Lord and King. And at every turn his power is expressed through meekness (power under control), service, and sacrifice.
Jesus shows us how to be caring and courageous, tough and tender, powerful and gracious. No other worldview, philosophy, or example provides as animating and dynamic a framework for understanding and embodying masculinity as a healing, generative force in the world.
But we must not simply use Jesus as a model. We need his power to free us from sin’s penalty and power, and place a new heart within us. We need to turn from our self-centred, “I can do it myself” delusions and embrace him as King and Lord of our lives. He must become our Lord and God and Leader.
You need Jesus to provide the forgiveness, grace, and spiritual regeneration necessary to redeem you from limiting and distorted secular scripts of manhood, while restoring you to a genuinely healthy and life-giving masculine identity.
2. Start building.
Humans were given the creation mandate to “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it” (Genesis 1:28). This is a fundamental calling of humanity: to take the raw materials within creation and develop their potential. A masculine posture is one in which we respond to this calling to build, create, innovate, growth, and contribute.
Richard Reeves, who writes about the boy crisis, notes, that “boys become men when they create more than they consume.”
I once heard someone say, “You become a man the day you take responsibility for someone other than yourself.”
Sacrificial contribution vs. self-centred consumption. Those are the two broad paths that men are invited into, and only the former leads to life and flourishing. So after turning to Christ, start looking for ways to build into your friendships, marriage, family, community. The epidemic of fatherless homes has evolved into fatherless communities which are desperately needing healthy men to step into positions of service, leadership, and mentoring. Opportunities for life-changing impact abound for men in any stage of life.
3. Get stronger.
Men need to cultivate strength everyday: body, mind, and spirit. But not strength for its own sake. Strength that can be leveraged to serve and bless others. You should create a simple plan that will help you to build or maintain strength of mind, body, and spirit for the remaining years God gives you to live into your calling. At no point should a must shift into coast mode and structure his life around leisure and ease. Start challenging yourself to grow everyday: reading the bible, journaling, praying, serving, exercising, etc.
One last note: all of these principles should be done in community. We must kill the false image of rugged, independent man. The Bible never presents this as an ideal. In fact, the earliest chapters of Genesis disclose something very different: The first “not good” of the bible is that it is not good for the man to be alone. Men need other men to fulfill their calling and mature into their God-given potential.
This is one reason it’s critically important to commit to getting involved in a local church. Church is one of the few places you’ll be challenged into a constructive, healthy, and inspiring vision for manhood with other men seeking the same thing. Make church and/or a Bible study group non-essential and start showing up.
Ultimately, there are only three scripts on offer:
1. The first shames and pathologizes men and masculinity, which results in men who are docile, disengaged, and despairing.
2. The second encourages you to rebel against the first and embrace a “barbarian” lifestyle that traps men in the worst, self-centred vices of the soul and keeps them in a childish cycle of chasing power, possessions, and pleasure as the definers of success.
3. The last, and best, is found only in Christ. In turning to him, men can find a redemptive hope and power for their identity and purpose. In Christ, men can leave the toxic, limiting scripts behind them, and enter into something new, dynamic, and genuinely empowering. In Christ, men can receive a power and purpose that will summon forth a life that brings glory to God and good to the world.